Day 1 - January 6, 2010

If any of you are grammar critique rs or spelling Nazis then stop here and do not read any further!!!

Well...as I am sitting here in my hotel room in Aberdeen, due to being on call, I keep trying to come up with all of the reasons as to why I shouldn't do this! The main reason that keeps coming to my mind is shame and embarrassment. So I think back to all of the Biggest Loser contestants and think "I wonder how they must feel weighing in in front of everybody in their shorts and bra (if female). So, that was a reality check for me. I'm a firm believer that in order to progress we need to be open and honest and share with others in order to hold us accountable. So with that, I have decided to start a blog of my journey. I will be sharing some things that I would have NEVER dreamt of sharing with close friends let alone anyone who cares to read it, but I think I need to in order to move on. If you so choose to read my blogs, may you find them funny, tear jerking, frustrating, etc. but PLEASE do not ever feel sorry for me. For those of you that know me know that I am a very strong, determined person and I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. The only thing I ask is for support, encouragement, and a good kick in the ass when needed!! Through my journey, I hope to help and inspire some of you out there.
So, enough rambling already and on with the journey!

Even though I call today day 1, yesterday was actually the start! I joined Weight Watchers with some co-workers and that was an eye opener. I weighed in at a whopping 311.6 pounds. I can hear some gasps now as well as some people saying oh Jvonne how could you let yourself get that heavy. Well let me tell you, if I had the answer I probably wouldn't be this heavy! For those of you who have ever struggled with weight know that it is much easier to put on that take off and once you get some of it off it comes on VERY quick if you aren't careful! I really have no excuses or justifications other than the fact that I quit eating healthy and I quit working out! Amazing how those two things go hand in hand! So, my goal weight is 180 for now. The lowest I have ever been, that I can remember, is 211. I felt so good then and will be back there and then some!

So, day 1 started out feeling great, invigorating, and motivating; however, that feeling quickly left when I realized that I was being conscious of what I was eating instead of eating whatever I wanted. It then turned into a "this sucks" attitude! I found today that I had to check myself several times. It's ironic how I'm an addictions counselor and I'm struggling with an extremely hard one right now myself! So, I felt hungry a lot of today and I had to keep telling myself that this too will pass, drink some more water, and you will eat soon. On the Biggest Loser they always promote Extra gum and let me tell you I think I will be keeping them in business! I must say it did help; however, I'm not stupid either and I allowed my brain and stinking thinking to kick in and say "it's just gum and what good is this!" So, tonight seems to be a little better. I tell myself over and over again that this is a good thing and eventually it will become easier, not easy but easier, and I will be happy with myself once again! I think the biggest thing I will need to work on is keeping myself busy so I don't obsess over food and keeping track of EVERYTHING I eat! They said yesterday if you bite it then write it! This is hard for me because I think oh it's just one bite! Anyway, I will end here and continue on tomorrow. It's a new day and I'm looking forward to another adventure!

Love to all...Jvonne